Episode 20 - Justin Miller
Episode Preview
Living with parents bell curve; airport beers; fighting giraffes; and knives, swords, warhammers though Blacksmithing with our person on the couch, Justin Miller from Florida Man Forge!
Hosts:
Matt Fischer @flooredmatt
Justin MacDonald @justintyme44
Fact-Checker:
Executive Producer:
This episodes official "Person on the Couch":
Justin Miller
@floridamanforge on IG
Transcript of Episode 20
SUMMARY KEYWORDS
people, giraffe, gas station, drink, legs, calories, tsa, buy, thought, cut, jokes, food, eat, beer, years, big, head, real, good, fighting
SPEAKERS
Justin Miller, Matt Fischer, Jesse James, Justin MacDonald
Jesse James 00:00
Why'd you do that?
Justin MacDonald 00:02
I'm like holding it in. Hey, we're live. Good morning and welcome to unwanted opinions. I'm your host, Justin MacDonald here with host Matt Fisher. Fact Checker, Jesse James. Executive producer. I told you I was gonna catch up God. Jesus Christ. I'm so sorry. Guest on the couch.
Matt Fischer 00:28
Oh, my eyes are watering.
Justin MacDonald 00:30
Justin Miller. Someone pass gas I was apologizing for
Matt Fischer 00:35
that would choke a maggot.
Justin MacDonald 00:37
You've just been waiting to say that.
Jesse James 00:39
Oh, that's how he's gonna beat a giraffe.
Matt Fischer 00:41
Yeah, that is the only way you're gonna beat the giraffe.
Justin MacDonald 00:45
Can't believe you.
Matt Fischer 00:47
Knock him out with your noxee Fart yes,
Justin MacDonald 00:50
me I'm going for the
Matt Fischer 00:52
biggest your waist.
Justin MacDonald 00:54
pounds of pressure it takes to like move a human head. It's like eight to 12 pounds of pressure to move. You know, just wait and look how close our head is to our body with our neck. Right? So it should be like pretty stout. But nope, I could still push it pretty easy. Now imagine your big ol tall dumb giraffe with that tiny little head and that tiny little brain and I climb up they're all 200 plus pounds me and I just squeeze and squeeze. I can easily cut the air off to that tiny little brain.
Matt Fischer 01:24
They have four hearts and their neck is like all muscle.
Justin MacDonald 01:28
They have to have four hearts
Jesse James 01:30
and they wake up at 4200 pounds
Matt Fischer 01:33
that's as much as a trip but
Justin MacDonald 01:35
listen but
Matt Fischer 01:36
think about they get their head around their head is a warhammer know that you're not gonna choke out
Justin MacDonald 01:40
it's a hammer when there's no pounds of pressure on it but if you have 200 plus pounds they can't he can't swing that
Matt Fischer 01:47
you're gonna get murked by giraffe the only way to win is if you just fart and it just gets knocked out hurry vomits and
Justin MacDonald 01:54
get sick for I will use whatever tools I have at my disposal. That's the only target
Matt Fischer 01:57
at your disposal for giraffe
Justin MacDonald 01:59
no no. I got these big old tree trunk legs I'm gonna climb up there choked out
Matt Fischer 02:06
fight lines
Justin MacDonald 02:07
they don't fight life fight they run away everything fights a lineman is getting attacked by a lion.
Matt Fischer 02:14
Bingo. You know what happens if you don't win if you don't beat the line? You die.
Justin MacDonald 02:22
So I'm not fighting a lion I'm fighting a big tall dumb GRF dude, you know what you know why are you triggering me already?
Matt Fischer 02:29
Cuz in the in the question of what is the largest sane land animal that you can beat and hand to hand combat you choose a giraffe and that is clearly like, I just think that's overreaching. I I'm going with great panda.
Justin MacDonald 02:45
I can appreciate right? I think you you keep your own strengths weaknesses in mind when you think about fighting a giraffe. I've got mine. Okay. You're you're placing your insecurities on me. And that's not fair to me. I'm killing a giraffe.
Matt Fischer 03:05
The giraffe is gonna turn you into like an ashtray or an ottoman. Just like me. That's what we used to do with wild animals. You kill them. You cut their legs off. You turn them into ashtrays. You never seen an elephant leg ashtray. No. That's because they haven't been in vogue for a long time because it's cruel, but
Justin MacDonald 03:25
I made them into like a turtle. I've seen a turtle ottoman. Really? I mean, it's not a real turtle.
Matt Fischer 03:32
Oh, no. Like real. Real animals turn in real furniture.
Justin MacDonald 03:36
Yeah, if it were like a Galapagos and you had like a lot of leg space there. I don't know. What's the wildest animal you would eat?
Matt Fischer 03:47
I'd like to eat a manatee. I'd like to try that. I feel like they'd be good luck out there. See cow is good. All right, see beef. Dude, they're mammals. They look like cows. It's kind of okay. They're like
Justin MacDonald 04:01
similar. cows have used it.
Matt Fischer 04:04
And you shaved it and you took its legs off and you gave it a tail and a different looking face. They'd be identical. So
Justin MacDonald 04:09
have you changed it? About as much as you can? They look really close.
Jesse James 04:13
Yeah, you know? Exactly. You know, you call a cow with no legs. Ground beef. Yeah.
Justin MacDonald 04:19
You know, to remember such dumb jokes. I mean, that was a good because
Matt Fischer 04:23
we don't remember like anything of importance, because it's all jokes.
Justin MacDonald 04:26
I remember two jokes. And they're both from like, before I was 12 or one. Yeah, no, I can't. I
Matt Fischer 04:32
can't. Why not?
Justin MacDonald 04:33
I think I've already done it on air. But also like they're just dirty. 12 year old jokes. Like they're 12 years old. or 12 years old. They're at this point, like 27
Matt Fischer 04:42
Have you seen our show? Yeah, I just feel like the subject matter is gonna like fit right in there. You know?
Jesse James 04:47
Yeah. Like 330.
Justin MacDonald 04:49
Think about what you found funny at 12. Imagine if that's
Matt Fischer 04:53
a lot of it has carried over. Yeah, there has been some stuff that's evolved but a lot of It's still the same jokes, but,
Justin MacDonald 05:02
you know, I'm gonna keep those to myself right now. But yeah, I'm just I have I don't have the memory for jokes like you guys have
Matt Fischer 05:09
it's wild to me. They they're cyclical in my mind like, right? Like all of that maybes at all you know, because it's like I'll have like, let's just say 12 Jokes on deck that I can like access right now. And then a month from now, I will have forgotten those, but I would have remembered 12 new ones.
Justin MacDonald 05:25
So where did the jokes come from? Like, how are you replacing these wares?
Jesse James 05:29
I hear a joke and it ends up somewhere back there and then I get triggered and I'm like, I have a joke.
Matt Fischer 05:35
That's I think that's what happens with me too. It's just I hear them from other people read them online, see them online, whatever, you know, hanging out Jesse, you know, obviously, he's a good source of getting new material. And I hope that source. Excellent. I didn't use air quotes.
Jesse James 05:50
Didn't thank you for anyone. They're good
Justin MacDonald 05:52
quotes. For anyone that's just listening. They used air quotes.
Jesse James 05:56
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Matt Fischer 05:58
I lean lean beef. Oh, no, that's a woman with one leg. There's some overlap here with the job blended in the big head.
Jesse James 06:08
There's Eileen that works out.
Justin MacDonald 06:11
I don't moving on. She would be the star waitress there. For sure.
Matt Fischer 06:18
Like, I hyphen lean. And she kind of like walk like this.
Justin MacDonald 06:22
I don't even have to like make the visual. No, no, like, but like I would play that up if I was her.
Matt Fischer 06:29
Why? Because you're Eileen with the one leg at the I hop and then you have to live you would get sympathy tips.
Jesse James 06:35
Like I don't I don't think she's gonna play it up. She has to live with it.
Matt Fischer 06:39
Yeah, but like I'm just saying like, for the sake of getting a big tips out. I have you know, you're going to play that like you your character now. Like you have transcended just being a person that I have you are a character be hard
Justin MacDonald 06:52
to you know, please really wanted to talk about some unwanted opinions. We'd go down the tipping culture. Oh. Let's start with something easier, like something a little less divisive.
Matt Fischer 07:05
The war of Russian aggression. Nice. Yeah, yeah, it's our last show before world war three people. Really, I really want to I tried my damnedest not to start prepping yesterday, though,
Justin MacDonald 07:22
like prepping the show about war talk, or just like prepping like no.
Matt Fischer 07:29
Like, I'm not a prepper I'm not like, you know, like, I'm not Oh, no. Yeah. But like, part of me was like, Should
Justin MacDonald 07:37
someone jokingly told us that comms were gonna be down by March seventh. So
Matt Fischer 07:43
supposed to be put on air?
Justin MacDonald 07:46
I may or may not have laughed it off and then went and checked my CV and charged the battery.
Matt Fischer 07:55
Don't want to like I'm gonna go in the attic and get the camera equipment down. She's like, Well, why
Justin MacDonald 07:58
No, you did not.
Matt Fischer 07:58
I didn't but cuz I was like, I'm just gonna have it in the garage. Just in case. You know, make sure the view
Jesse James 08:08
down here working on the smokes. Yes, yeah, right. I'm just
Matt Fischer 08:11
gonna put all of this stuff together in one spot. It's not prepping. I'm just taking an inventory. That's all. That's it. That's all.
Justin MacDonald 08:21
Ah, yeah. Yeah. Brett Don's jokes. The remake? No,
Matt Fischer 08:28
I don't I it's one of those movies. It's like, well, you don't need to remake it. Why would you remake it?
Justin MacDonald 08:35
Well, have you watched Red Dawn? Yeah, it's awful. Yeah, it's not good.
Matt Fischer 08:38
Yeah. That opening scene is still absolutely terrifying to me, though. So I just even even well past school age,
Justin MacDonald 08:44
right? Yeah, but in your dreams. You're not. You're right. Cuz I just don't tell the other day. I've literally said this for years for years. Most of my dreams, have me fighting Russians. Like I'm always fighting something. Usually. It's some kind of you know, as of like the mid aughts, like, you know, Middle East or terrorist. kind of popped in giraffes, man,
Jesse James 09:10
you encountered a Russian giraffe.
Matt Fischer 09:13
Wow.
Justin MacDonald 09:15
But anyway, I still have those dreams all the time. Yeah, a
Matt Fischer 09:18
better chance of that because it probably be drunk about
Justin MacDonald 09:20
20% of the time. I'm stung vodka, right? Of course. Yeah, I'm still in school fighting Russians. Those Those are my dreams and I have no idea why. And I'm usually doing math to like, help me
Matt Fischer 09:34
I use that movie as justification that when I was telling Lauren I was gonna go into the attic she goes, Why? She's like looking at me like like, I'm an idiot, which is I'm used to that look, but she's just like, what like, what they're so far over there like they're not gonna invade us and I'm just gonna with all seriousness, because the only like, have you seen Red Dawn? The answer was no, she has. So she had like no basis for like, hey, this could actually happen.
Justin MacDonald 10:00
And if you look at the map as it stands, like as we're, like all used to, yes, Russia looks like it's way over there. It's not. It's close.
Matt Fischer 10:10
She can see Russia from her doorstep. Yeah, I don't think that's exactly what she said. But she said something like, that's all I remember. Yeah.
Justin MacDonald 10:17
Well, Tina Fey said when she was in person, it's not Sarah Palin, though. You know, crazy enough. She's not actually. Might as well be though.
Matt Fischer 10:27
Yeah, I do constantly think about I'm like, wait, wait is the state of Florida land and the importance of the Union? I'm like, we're a little rinky dink Peninsula you know, we have tourism as an industry but like we don't have any like
Justin MacDonald 10:41
you may have said that you may have felt a lot differently during the Cuban Missile Crisis. Yeah,
Jesse James 10:47
dreams of war and fighting are basically means that you have an internal conflict all the time.
Matt Fischer 10:54
Psycho analyzed? Yeah, for sure. Basically, go see a therapist,
Justin MacDonald 10:59
you could have just said what do you think they mean? I'm like internal. Yeah, often fueled by math.
Matt Fischer 11:04
So tell me what it is because this is what I woke up to is I was on a steam train that I got set up driving towards I can't remember what it was. But basically use the steam train as missile and I jumped off to watch it crash it and blow this this thing up. Like, I don't know. I can't remember. That's full of steam, not
Justin MacDonald 11:24
gas. Why is it gonna blow it?
Matt Fischer 11:26
I don't know. It was like an old school locomotive. Like you know, like
Justin MacDonald 11:29
a steam train. That's what I
Jesse James 11:34
got a new Amtrak
Matt Fischer 11:35
No, no, I wasn't. I remember like climbing over the edge to like, jump off. But I literally do not remember what we were setting this train to drive into. Were
Jesse James 11:43
you on a straw hat?
Matt Fischer 11:45
God, I wish I was.
Justin MacDonald 11:47
Leslie said, like Hurricane hurricane prep. hurricane. Hurricane prep. Nah, Doomsday. Yeah,
Jesse James 11:55
yeah,
11:56
no
Matt Fischer 11:56
prep for hurricanes. Yeah, I mean, it's just I'm already a Floridian my prep for Okay, yeah.
Justin MacDonald 12:04
Other than, you know, the wireless thing to me. And I'm I'm sure we've talked about this before but the wildest thing to me when a you know, there's a hurricane pending is that all of the sudden, all of the water in all of the stores is gone. Like, what? What were you doing before this? Like, what is your plan here? Why are you taking all of the water like, especially people on city water row? For sure. People in city water? What
Matt Fischer 12:31
are you doing like news flash, if you're on a city of Ocala water, your water is not tied to the electrical grid, like so you could lose power and still retain your water. Your electric water heater won't work. So it'll be cold water, but like I've never lost water and like the 10 plus years I've been on Kelley electric utilities.
Justin MacDonald 12:50
Have you ever had to boil water?
Matt Fischer 12:52
I think we've had some boil water notices before which is fine. You know, I still have water. You know what I'm saying? So yeah, that like, I don't bother to go out and buy like I can. You know, if I get really worried. I just fill up empty jugs with my own tap water.
Justin MacDonald 13:05
But all of a sudden, everyone becomes very thirsty during hurricane. Yeah, right. It's like y'all live
Matt Fischer 13:11
off a Diet Coke. And red bowl, but all of a sudden, a hurricane comes around and I'm like, okay, comes around. And you're like, Oh, I'm a hydro homie. You know, I
Justin MacDonald 13:21
was agreeing with you. You didn't have to attack me.
Jesse James 13:23
I'm quick to clear out a Mountain Dew shelf.
Justin MacDonald 13:27
I almost missed up and got your date mountain.
Jesse James 13:29
I want to throw it at you. Yeah,
Justin MacDonald 13:30
I just it was hard for me to even grab that. So she just like, it's great CRP. The best way to cut off a morning I think I told you. You know, when I I wasn't. I'm not gonna say I wasn't allowed to have soda growing up. We just didn't have a lot of soda growing up, specifically me. And so when I got out on my own, you know, I got all the soda. I won. And the next thing you know, it happened, right? I'm up like 15 pounds. And the girl I was dating at the time was like, Well, I think I probably just talked about this recently. She's like, Oh, what are you doing? I'm like, I drink eat this and I drink them out, dude. Like how many like 10 or 12? And she was like, okay, a week. I was like, like a day. Like, yeah, that's too much. Like okay, so then I cut back and then all of a sudden had like a crazy headache and I'm like,
Matt Fischer 14:24
laughing
Justin MacDonald 14:26
I was like, You can wet withdrawals from caffeine like caffeine withdrawals. I stopped caffeine for like five years.
Jesse James 14:33
Just gotta power through it. Keep drinking them.
Justin MacDonald 14:35
Yeah, why?
Matt Fischer 14:36
I'm lucky I had the realization of it was like in high school like health class. You know, we have like classroom like learning about health. And then you have like, some time like working in the gym. I don't know what class it was. Anyway, I spent like a good amount of time on the row machine. And like, I thought I did good and it's just like you burned, you know, 200 calories. And I go back to the client session is the section and we're sitting down and doing some classwork and I'm drinking my furtopia Rest in peace and drinking my strawberry furtopia. And I turned around, like read the label and it was like almost the same amount of calories for that bottle and I just had 45 minutes trying to like burn off and then I was like, Oh, this sucks. Like that's just like a real part of me. So think that they weren't calories in like liquids. Mm hmm. Yeah, you know, it would just take calories from food, but like liquids are just like, you just pee that out. You know? Like, that doesn't like do anything to your body.
Justin MacDonald 15:28
We're coming back from lunch. Me him a big baby. And he's like, Well, you know, I've been doing the cocktails, you know, since you know the only calories are just in the like mixer that he is. Yeah, we're like,
Matt Fischer 15:39
liquor was calorie free. Liquor using
Justin MacDonald 15:43
is like now there's a calories and
Matt Fischer 15:46
I thought my cocktails were like 65 calories and like skinny girl vodka. No, no regular vodka, or whiskey. But I was just like, well, a beer is 140 calories, but like a cocktail. You know, the mixers only 65 calories. So like, that's half as many as a beer. So I'm doing something better? No, it turns out like liquor and the mixer is the same calories as a beer. I was just dumb. So I
Justin MacDonald 16:10
think that people just confuse it because they'll hear empty calories. Yeah,
Matt Fischer 16:13
I don't even know that means. Yeah. Well,
Justin MacDonald 16:16
I I only know because we had, you know, a friend were younger that he tried to convince us that because his mom was like a nutritionist or something like that. And said something along the lines of like, oh, yeah, well, those are all empty calories. So in his mind, he heard that as no calories. Like no, no. So he tried convincing us that you only gain weight if you're drinking, because it makes you want to eat nachos and fries and stuff.
Matt Fischer 16:41
So maybe that's where, you know, maybe just hearing that for so many years. Like in my mind, subconsciously. I've just been gaslit
Justin MacDonald 16:47
Yeah. Not the case. Like he absolutely.
Matt Fischer 16:52
That is part of the case. Yeah. Like if I if I get drunk like I want food. Yeah, I'm not
Justin MacDonald 16:57
saying that doesn't also affect it. And there's actually like, there's actually a link between greasy foods what like why your body actually craves greasy food
Matt Fischer 17:06
because they're delicious. Number
Justin MacDonald 17:07
one, and number two is one with
Jesse James 17:10
a good drunkenness that chili cheese dog. Yeah.
Justin MacDonald 17:14
I will say why. Why can you need for combining those 200
Matt Fischer 17:19
Why was pizza hoagie? No. Oh, it's it's a pizza. Yeah, it's like it's just like one of their hot sandwiches, but it's like a pizza. And it's and it's like 1200 calories. So it's like obscene. But yeah, as far as drunk food goes, it's phenomenal.
Justin MacDonald 17:34
You know, I'm a racetrack man. No,
Matt Fischer 17:35
yeah, definitely check that one out. I'm
Justin MacDonald 17:37
not messing with the Wawa foods.
Matt Fischer 17:39
I was so excited to eat one one night and one of my altered states that I bid right to the rapper. Apparently I didn't fully unwrap, you know, I thought I did. And now I got three fingers. The next day, I saw the rapper, there's a bike bark on the corner. Now it's like, okay, we're really excited to get into that one.
Justin MacDonald 17:58
Speaking of drinking airport beers. Oh, yeah. As you know, it's just a funny thought that I was just talking to someone about this that. You know, I want to use Applebee's as an example, because it'll come up with lasers. Yeah, because it's topical. Yeah. You know, you see someone drinking a beer at Applebee's at 9am. And you're like, hey, what? What the heck, man? Like get it together? Hey, Alchi. Right. But you see someone drinking a beer at 9am at the airport? And you're like, Yeah, I'm
Matt Fischer 18:27
just not existent. Right, you cross that? cross that threshold to an airport. And it's like Time, time is just doesn't matter noise the only the only reason you need is to know when to get on a plane but there's no am or pm.
Jesse James 18:38
You have an old fashioned your breakfast.
Justin MacDonald 18:40
Yeah. Oh, and no one thinks twice about it. I saw a guy I was flying to Gainesville. This is the story that brought it up. I was flying out of Gainesville. And it was literally like 630 or seven. And it was very early. I don't even know if the bar was open. But this dude had beers. And I was like, oh, man, that guy is my hero. Like he's pounded on me you know? And I'd like you know, this is back Snapchat days inside like Snapchat like hero status. Well, we get in the plane and he's the pilot no ruin the punch line. No no, wait, it's like a smaller plane you know? So it's like two seats and two seats. Those are terrified and he's right next to me and he smelled like the worst Bo mix with the worst like seven day old alcohol ever and I
Matt Fischer 19:31
was like But did he spill over the armrest?
Justin MacDonald 19:34
Just lay down his lap. Yeah,
Matt Fischer 19:37
like what's worse than what's worse than what someone's that spills over the armrest or someone that in
Justin MacDonald 19:43
this case, I would have absolutely taken someone spilled over. But I was like, Oh, you're not like a funny drink in the morning guy. You're like, You got to drink to get rid of this guy. Like yeah, this is yeah, I take the hero steps back like this is the same people Yeah. God awful like for me,
Matt Fischer 20:03
I'm one of those people though, like, I will get like a full night's rest. Drink to get the shakes off. No, no, no, no, no, no, no that that will like have an airport beer in the morning. And it's not just because it's like, it's been a tough day of traveling. It's like, I'll get a full night's rest and like, just have an early flight and be like, you know, I'm on vacation. Also, I find, like, absolutely hate it. Like, if you're six foot four, and you get on these airplane seats, and I feel like they've just continually made smaller over the years. It is very claustrophobic feeling so like, Yeah, I'm having that drink, kind of taking the edge off. I don't care what time it is. And you know, I got those many bottles and the book bag a which I found it is highly illegal to drink on the plane.
Justin MacDonald 20:41
Well, so they say that's new to me, though. Yeah.
Jesse James 20:44
Why did they serve you drinks on a plane? So
Matt Fischer 20:45
here's the thing, though, is you can get you know, your clear one quart, you know, these TSA rules are dumb because TSA is dumb. And they're 95% and effective fact check that they can't find anything. I don't know why we have lobbyists. That's why we have them. Okay, yeah. I'm doing my TSA rant. No, you can bring mini bottles through on your one quart bag. But when you get on the plane, it's illegal to drink them on the plane. So it's like why even let me through? If I can have it on the plane?
Jesse James 21:11
Slam? Why don't even go ahead. Sorry. You slam on at the terminal. No, no.
Matt Fischer 21:17
You order you get your free coke. Yeah. And then you make your little cocktail. It's called being budget minded because they charge you an arm and a leg like I'm already paying a fortune to like, even get in a seat with more leg room to check a bag to get really boring. Are you
Justin MacDonald 21:31
even trying to make sense of the logic of TSA? That's, that's that's what I'm wondering,
Matt Fischer 21:36
make sense of the logic. One guy tries to have a big shoe bomb. And now we got to take our shoes off or
Justin MacDonald 21:41
20 something years. 20 something years? Yeah, that's a little lesson in. If you give up freedoms, you kind of just never get them back.
Matt Fischer 21:50
I mean, people obviously pick and choose what they give up, though. I mean, like, it's like other stuff. I
Justin MacDonald 21:54
didn't pick or choose that. Well,
Matt Fischer 21:56
I don't know. Well, we all know why TSA does this stuff. I tried
Jesse James 21:59
to choose to leave my shoes on one time that didn't go,
Matt Fischer 22:02
Oh, if you pay for the TSA PreCheck. You don't have to take your shoes or your belt off. So if you're a terrorist, all you have to do is spend a little bit more money. Hey, if you're killing yourself, doesn't matter
Justin MacDonald 22:11
what of the last bit of money in the airport. The TSA PreCheck line was longer than the actual security line. That's like the left line of the highway. It's just It's wild to me the fact that like, yeah, there's so many things that can trigger me this morning but like that's racketeering like yeah, this is for your safety but pay us to get around the
Matt Fischer 22:34
and then they and then you know the the bomb detecting they saw your nudes online. People got caught and arrested for doing that. I don't so don't act like that didn't happen either. Amanda really triggered now thinking about I hate airlines and TSA. Yeah, hate him.
Justin MacDonald 22:48
Amanda brought up the fact that I was witness to a failed proposal.
Matt Fischer 22:56
Oh, yeah. You keeping us abreast of that. So
Justin MacDonald 22:59
I decided to go down and see Tim Dylan, one of my favorite podcasters and comedians in Orlando by myself. And as I was leaving, as I do when I leave Orlando, I'm like, I'm gonna stop by Udo pizzeria. Get me a Chicago deep dish. And I tried to call him today and it wasn't working. So I was like, Alright, whatever. I'll just order there have a beer at the bar. Wait till it comes and leave. Well as I'm drinking my one beer a failed proposals going on literally right next to me. Like that's like a dream of mine. Closer than you are to me right now is what was going on literally right next to me. And this woman was so mad. She She literally looked like a somehow cheaper version of Carole Baskin like, yeah, like fabric
Matt Fischer 23:50
had an UNO's pizzeria bar. Yeah. But he wasn't even in the fancy dining room,
Justin MacDonald 23:56
right? I mean, the bar is pretty nice. Yeah, it's a classy establish I was drinking out of glass
Matt Fischer 24:01
was the ring hidden in the deep dish.
Justin MacDonald 24:06
I don't even want to do a pizza there. I don't even think there was a ring. But just part of the problem is she was just yelling nonstop. And she would ask questions, but none of them were actual, like questions that she wanted to answer to. Because she would just keep screaming at him. She was yelling it for so long that it took me 10 minutes to realize that he was very British. Now if you looked at him, it was very obvious after the fact like okay, this guy's definitely very British. They're in their like, 60s. But this is describing visually, you know what they look like when I say a 60 year old British man. You know what? Your picture in the teeth? Rosie
24:42
Clarkson? Yes, basically,
Justin MacDonald 24:45
he was the like, you know, a little floral pattern. You know, cuffed up sleeves. Yeah, you you pictured it. You got it. Yeah. So this is going on like what I can I'm just blown away. So I realize he's very British, and he's trying to explain,
Matt Fischer 25:02
was he trying to get a green card?
Justin MacDonald 25:03
I have no idea. Well, I would imagine he already had it. Because it sounds like she would have been wiped number like six or seven based on what she was saying. And then she stood, that's a good objection for her saying his family was racist.
Matt Fischer 25:18
Well, they are British. But
Justin MacDonald 25:22
she was using terrible
Matt Fischer 25:25
GCSE ratios.
Justin MacDonald 25:30
They know I'm not going to
Matt Fischer 25:32
practice for this moment
Justin MacDonald 25:35
is so worthwhile, that it's almost worth it. But she's got and I'm like, I'm still got my one beer that I'm like, How do I just make this last as long as possible? And I'm trying so hard not to laugh, because I'm like, I I'm looking around for cameras. Like there's got to be cameras. Where are you? So then this guy goes, Hey, man, you want to Stella glass? And I was like, Sure, I look at the bartender like, see, this is stolen glass. Like, it's good. Okay. And so as all this is going on to other people are randomly like, Hey, man, you want my glass and I'm like, what? They're either like, they feel really bad for me right now, because I'm right next to this craziness, that they're all like trying to like, ignore Yeah, act like it's not going on. They feel really bad for me. The one guy gave me the glass. So then they all just assume that I wanted the glasses. So maybe that's what did it too.
Jesse James 26:32
You can say no. That's everything. Like,
Justin MacDonald 26:36
I'm not gonna say no, in this scenario, because then I'm like, maybe glasses, Jessie, you don't turn that down. Maybe they just want to get close to the action and they don't know any other way. And they're like, Oh, that guy got close the action by giving this guy a free glass because each one kind of like hung there for a minute. I'm like, am I supposed to like
Matt Fischer 26:52
you're gonna be in like the next cell a commercial, like a PR thing? What's that theater where like, the only people that know it's theater are the actors. And they like do theater
Justin MacDonald 27:00
of life math, you
Matt Fischer 27:01
know, like, there's a term and I tried asking my wife to like majored in theater and she's like, I have no idea what you're talking because you're making I'm not making it up because I took a theater class I knowledge and learn about that. And it's this type of theater where you go and act out something crazy like that. And like you in the other actor, no, it's fake, but you do in a public place. And so everyone is just like everyone thinks they just witnessed an actual wedding proposed last
Jesse James 27:22
mile. Mystery Science Theater. Dumb.
Justin MacDonald 27:26
I think interesting. In the movie, The Man Who Knew Too little,
Matt Fischer 27:29
I've never even seen that. It's you're
Justin MacDonald 27:30
such a great, it's a buy up.
Justin Miller 27:32
But when you
Matt Fischer 27:34
maybe that's it, maybe maybe he's just getting like this is all staged because it sounds bonkers.
Justin MacDonald 27:38
I would not be surprised. The only thing that would she deserves an Oscar if it was staged because her anger was very, very real. And I felt it was like, I there are times where like, I thrive on that awkward situation. But even then, there are times when I'm like, Gosh, he's just like, letting it go. But then he would just like start petting her hair to like, yeah, it was It was wild. And then she would let him in like, calm down for a second and then she was like, back up and I finally had to leave. I'm like, I can't nurse this beer any longer. I'm just gonna have to go outside did a little video update from the garlic. Hey, guys. Sorry. I couldn't couldn't hang on any longer. I think they're gonna make it work. He should have went up Mary
Matt Fischer 28:22
and said congratulations, and then handed them to Stella glasses.
Jesse James 28:27
You shouldn't just voice memo to everything.
Justin MacDonald 28:30
Yeah, I feel really weird about video and people that you know, don't give consent. Yeah. So for a few people. They got a little like, I'm faking a call, you know, so you can kind of get a picture of what they look like.
Matt Fischer 28:45
Thank you Crystal berry invisible theater in this God that has been bugging me for like weeks now ever since. Sorry, sided.
Jesse James 28:52
Super excited. It's all that Celsius. Dude. Celsius is getting me jacked.
Matt Fischer 29:02
Okay, I'm gonna take my hands off the table. Here we
Jesse James 29:06
go like this. Yeah, yeah. So you can
Matt Fischer 29:09
see my pit stains. I least wore a shirt that doesn't blend into the background. That's good. Good for you, buddy. Yeah, after two back to back episodes where I was just a floating head. blending in with the couch blending in with the wall.
Justin MacDonald 29:21
So there's a bell curve. Cool.
Matt Fischer 29:25
Yeah. Wow, wow, there's a transition
Justin MacDonald 29:29
of living with your parents wouldn't right?
Matt Fischer 29:31
First of all, explain for our listeners? Who are I'm a dumb side. What a bell curve?
Justin MacDonald 29:36
I should say unacceptability, because the way I'm going to do the bell curve. A bell curve is is you know, like a big hill
Jesse James 29:41
curve that looks like
Matt Fischer 29:42
thank you for explaining that to them does me because I obviously knew what that was.
Justin MacDonald 29:46
Right? So. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So like the emoji for a bell like that. But a chart. So I'm gonna say it's gonna be unacceptability. And it starts with lower socioeconomic class, peaks at middle class and then goes back down at upper socio economic class. So like, it's acceptable for lower class. I don't even like saying lower. Yeah, that
Matt Fischer 30:14
sounds very
Justin MacDonald 30:16
it's acceptable for poor people, much better parents, right? Like people that all like families that all lived together. And then like rich people, those families all lived together, like they have these big mansions that you know, like, you
Matt Fischer 30:29
know, you think what the rich people would be unacceptable like just mommy and daddy buy you your own frickin house? Like, why would you live with them? You're rich the other side of the bell curve, right? Right. Yeah,
Justin MacDonald 30:40
but it's that's how I'm saying it but it's acceptability like people are more accepting of lower socioeconomic and higher socio economic but middle class people live with their parents. Everyone's like, Yo, what's your deal? Okay, your own place. And like, it's such a
Matt Fischer 30:54
it's I would think it'd be like, like, like, just like a regular curve like it's, it's like the most acceptable for like the poor folk, right. And then except plateaus. Like I would say goes downhill like the more wealthy you get, the less acceptable it is. Because it's like, you probably have insurance. You probably have a safety net. You probably have mommy and daddy back in you. They could probably buy you a house. Your car's probably paid for like, what do you really have to worry about? You know, you got a job at daddy's firm. You know, like you said, Daddy, way too tight.
Jesse James 31:25
Daddy's firm. It's just sounds weird together. Like
Matt Fischer 31:31
whatever. Whatever. I don't know where y'all is. Minds are awkward. Only for you.
Justin MacDonald 31:38
Yeah. Fortunately replay in my mind over number, but isn't that weird that like, this is very weird. Like, hey, screw you middle class.
Matt Fischer 31:47
Like kind of angers me. Like, why is that?
Jesse James 31:51
You get that a lot know what angry? Yeah, dude. Yeah. Cool. Yeah.
Matt Fischer 31:57
Wow. Okay, well, you don't get angry.
Jesse James 32:00
over everything.
Matt Fischer 32:01
Okay, me neither. Are you getting this or? I don't know. Yeah, what makes Jesse angry man.
Jesse James 32:08
I messed up food order.
Matt Fischer 32:11
They cook your steak a little rare. Not well done. To mid enough, I guess.
Jesse James 32:18
Or you know, just not getting what you asked for. Oh, yeah, that does actually
Matt Fischer 32:22
make you angry. That's why you need a strong woman to send it back.
Jesse James 32:24
Yeah, for sure. You right. Oh, no,
Matt Fischer 32:29
I'm definitely 100% gonna say like, you know, my wife lover to death
Justin MacDonald 32:35
for mashed potatoes.
Matt Fischer 32:39
Baby, it's not right.
Justin MacDonald 32:41
I will literally eat whatever you handed me because I have to. That's how I am though. Anyway, I can't tell you how many times I've gone through like drive thru. And I'm like, they'll hate me on this stuff. Like, yeah, like naming off and I'm like, That's crap. And they're like, wait, wait, wait, hold on. That's all you ordered at all. I'm like, oh,
Matt Fischer 33:00
did you hand it to me?
Justin MacDonald 33:01
I was like, seven minutes ago. Right? How am I supposed to remember? Like, I just did you know, Food is fuel like whatever Food is fuel. Just
Matt Fischer 33:10
get they handed you a bag. Like if it's not mine. Why are you handing me a bag of food? Why is this like a test? Yeah, testing me that. Theater
Jesse James 33:20
fast food? I didn't. I'm not going through it. You know? Yeah. Before I leave, like that's not a thing. I'll just be upset when I go home. Yeah, exactly. Yeah,
Justin MacDonald 33:30
I definitely am not one of those. Like, stop my. I love my wife. But like every time she's like, check, check the bad.
Matt Fischer 33:38
Don't drive off check. What? You don't have time for
Justin MacDonald 33:42
this? Yeah, 98% of the time when I don't check the bag. It is wrong or missing items when I don't care if it's wrong. I do care if I'm missing items.
Matt Fischer 33:50
I was so hungry. I will say yeah, to her credit. A lot of times she has me do that. And it just like sure, like the like you just said we don't have it in there. Yeah. But I'm like, Hey, I just spent $6 on a Wendy's order. I'm expecting it to be wrong. Or just not good. Food. I mean, like, I don't have high expectations. Don't have high expectation Food
Justin MacDonald 34:10
is fuel. I think about Dave and I and Shane on I was at our first trip you and I had ever done together.
Matt Fischer 34:16
I don't know the story. But yeah, believe Yeah.
Justin MacDonald 34:19
And we're, we're right and we've been writing for a few hours and when I'm on the bike, I can just go and go especially you know as you find out once you have like tunes and a comfortable seat, just keep moving. Dave's like hey, man, let's stop for some foods. And I'm like, okay, yeah, sounds good. So, like within 20 or 30 minutes, I pull into a gas station like Alright, let's get fueled up guys. And I grab like, they all go first. They come back without food. I'm like, oh, maybe they already ate or something. So I walk up and they have the world's biggest like tornado like to Quito. Sounds great. Huge. So they only had one I was like, Ah, I feel bad but like walking up to the Even like you want any or anything and Dave's like no. Did you show your salt? No soda card? No, they didn't have racetrack
Matt Fischer 35:06
there. Maybe but you can still brag to the other gas stations. You're standing with other guests. I
Jesse James 35:11
don't know if this is redeemable here. But
Justin MacDonald 35:14
yeah, so I eat this bagel to Quito probably like a pickled egg or something and we get on the, you know, bikes and start rolling. Yeah, explains a lot. And then with like, 10 or 15 minutes Dave's like, Yo, are we gonna stop for food?
Jesse James 35:29
We did. We just did. Six pounds
Justin MacDonald 35:32
tornado. And that's when I realized that not everyone thinks that you know? Yeah. Especially when I'm on the bikes. Like I'm just yeah, just get it and go.
Matt Fischer 35:44
Like the quick and easy like in and out. Like, let's keep moving. If I'm in my destination, I'm fine. Like, let's get something to sit down and eat but like, I'm not gonna sit down for an hour. That's like an hour of like transit time that we're cutting into.
Justin MacDonald 35:56
I felt bad because it took me a long time to figure out that like,
Matt Fischer 35:59
Now anytime I go to the gas station with JC like, get food. He means body. Well, body fuel and motorcycle fan.
Justin MacDonald 36:09
Most people actually probably everyone in this room is realized. Like, if I say that I'm hungry, then we shall probably eat within like about 30 minutes because yeah, you
Matt Fischer 36:22
get real cranky.
Jesse James 36:24
Right horseman actually rivals you with gas station food.
Justin MacDonald 36:28
Oh, I've just learned this. Yeah, he started telling me and also he's a race track man. So he's told me that, like the race track race and race track, man,
Jesse James 36:39
he's no sold them. So yeah,
Justin MacDonald 36:40
yeah. What's it What's that race
Matt Fischer 36:43
track. We need to know
Justin MacDonald 36:44
Nick Slocum says he's like 300 points away from salt soda. So
Jesse James 36:48
how long does that take that? I feel like that's another tour. I got there
Matt Fischer 36:51
really quick. Wow. You drink at 12 mountain views a day? Well?
Justin MacDonald 36:56
Not anymore. I didn't 12 diamond to Sunday.
Matt Fischer 36:59
Wow. So you're up. You're up at 12 Yeah, I'm
Justin MacDonald 37:02
trying to cut back trying. Ah, Soma soda. Yeah, so Ryan horseman with the chicken tenders down in Brooksville. My
Matt Fischer 37:10
favorite gas station food is the actual restaurants and gas stations because usually those are real, absolutely delicious. Giant
Jesse James 37:16
like the pilot. Yeah, like Wendy's. No, no, I
Matt Fischer 37:19
mean, like, like the one off mom and pops like, hey, Roger kitchen Wayne's Country Kitchen, you know, huh? Pearls, barbecue pearls,
Justin MacDonald 37:26
pearls up in Mykonos.
Matt Fischer 37:28
Okay. Yeah, just like you just have this gas station. And then you have some kind of, you know, and usually like niche food, like whether it's Korean food or barbecue or tacos, you know, like cafes. It's like next to a gas station. or in a gas station
Justin MacDonald 37:40
like that base though.
Matt Fischer 37:42
It's no taco. S Yeah, but But I will say though, like, I'm a sucker for that. Yeah, if I see some kind of restaurant in a gas station, I'm like, I really got to eat there. Because chances are, it's pretty good. Without a doubt, I just don't think you can survive as a restaurant without being good.
Justin MacDonald 37:58
And like one of those like Oasis areas where there's like nothing else around.
Matt Fischer 38:02
Um, then I'm not talking about like Oklahoma service Plaza oasis. You don't mean that kind of oasis?
Justin MacDonald 38:08
Kind of like either urban oasis or what do you call it? Rural oasis?
Matt Fischer 38:14
Don't make me say I can't say that word.
Justin MacDonald 38:16
Oasis. Where? You know, where do they put the dollar generals? There's nothing Oh, food deserts. Yeah, yeah, desert. So like there's a the place up in Citra has GSE gas station chicken, which is really good. But they're also like, there's not many places around. Yeah, so it makes sense. Yeah, I took my my cousin born and raised in Alaska. Very well traveled in over 100 countries like knows how to not like stand out as a tourist. And he's here and he's like, Hey, man, I want some, like Southern barbecue and I'm like, well, it's Sunday, man. It's gonna be hard to get like real southern barbecue because a lot of the actual southern barbecue places are close. I was like, alright, you know what, a lot of these places close. I'm gonna take you to Wayne's Country Kitchen, right? Like, okay, cool. I'm like, it's not gonna seem like much right? But just play it cool. Don't like Don't be touristy about it. Okay, saying y'all. Well,
Matt Fischer 39:12
you could say y'all close to me. Hands down.
Justin MacDonald 39:15
So he's like, Come on, dude. Yeah, I'm fine. We pull up. He's like, it's at a gas station, like yelling out loud in the parking lot like,
Matt Fischer 39:23
kind of restaurants in Alaska. I mean, I
Justin MacDonald 39:25
don't know. igloos? Really, I
Matt Fischer 39:27
figured they don't be in gas stations. You know, you just like conserve energy costs. So we're
Justin MacDonald 39:31
walking up and he's just, like, amazed and like, looking around. And this lady immediately is like, Oh, this guy is, you know, I'm gonna mess with him. She's like, Hey, give me some money. I'm like, no, no, we're gonna we're gonna go in the store. And he's like, that's a really aggressive homeless lady. Like, she wasn't homeless. She just saw you.
Matt Fischer 39:50
You were an easy mark. If I wasn't here, you'd be giving her money, right? So we
Justin MacDonald 39:55
get in there. And you know, we're getting ready to order like to just play cool. It's like yeah, it's fine. It's fine. It's fine. Yo, they have wrapped snacks. What are wrapped snacks?
Matt Fischer 40:08
Which one did either mine
Justin MacDonald 40:09
offset for sure. So yeah.
Jesse James 40:13
It's got a data ranch. Yeah.
Justin MacDonald 40:16
Yeah. So I'm just like, Yeah, okay, listen, but we had the Wayne's country kitchen, which is amazing. And he thoroughly enjoyed it, you know, and the ladies, the ladies checking us out was just laughing the whole time. She's like, you know, never been in a restaurant a gas station before and he's like, No, I
Matt Fischer 40:30
have last time I saw grab snacks was in a gas station that always had a restaurant. Maybe like a connection between the two. Because you don't typically see rap snacks and like, watts,
Justi